I am a delicious apple :D

This might sound a little weird but nothing makes me feel more in tune with the universe than cleaning out my frog tank.

I empty the dirty water with a large measuring cup into the sink.

when the water is low enough, I slowly put my hand around my frog, and transfer him to a small holding tank.

while he waits I scrub the rocks,

and add some water purifier.

what is it about these small tasks that soothes me so?

The aquarium is a great temple of harmony and balance.

 The albino African clawed frog who lives inside is completely dependant on me to initiate all of the cycles in his modest life....so many environmental changes I conduct without passing a single thought!

I change his weather every time I exchange the water in his tank, from room temperature to a few degrees cooler.

I change the shape of his world every time I take out the rocks, and scrub them off, putting them back in different places, and because I changed the shape of his world, I invertantly redefined his life, in essence: alter the ways he is able to interact with his world. (where he can and can't go. )

I control the amount of disease and pollution he is exposed to by how often I change the water filter, how often I clean the tank, how much water purifier I add,if there is an excess of food.. baisically I am the Goddess of my own little planet!

I saw James Cameron's Avatar in 3D a few nights ago after making an appearance at a Christmas party at my husband's job, we then proceeded to wander around in the airport for most of the morning trying to locate my brother in the crowed. After locating him we took Daniel to my favorite restaurant and headed to the theater to meet with 2 of Jer's work mates who were tagging along. It was completely sold out. The five of us stood in a semi circle eyeing each other and saying "what do you want to do? I dunno what do you want to do?" It was uncomfortable.... all four guys are shy,and some what  socially awkward... why do nerd guys always leave it up to the woman to decide what to do? Honestly it was just as weird for me because I was only familiar with 2 out of 4 of them (one being my husband, and the other being my bro) I mean if a horde of orcs showed up and started smashing cars in the parking lot...I garantee my boys would know exactly how to get to the next level... but...After a little coaching "we" all decided to buy tickets in advance for the next showing.

4 hours laiter we were a few in a line of at least 100 other people.

 (some what of a spoiler below proceed with care)

I am not usually a fan of Imax Theaters because the sound system is painfull to my sensitve ears, but Avatar was phenomenal. I didn't see the "ecological message" people are complaining about when they watched Avitar.

 I did not interpret the views of the Navi people as some sort of internal message that we should trade our p.c.'s for for arrowheads or  we will end up without a planet. Earth is not infinite and we all know it...and when it is her time to go...all of the recycled soda cans in the world won't be able to save any of us!

The Navi culture instead reminded me of the way of life of Native Americans.What I saw was the classic settlers vs.natives theme that has played all throughout early American  history...Pocahontas & John Smith, Sacagawea & Lewis & Clarke....To me this is the futuristic story of what could have happend if the west was NOT won.

All that aside....

Avitar is a graphically captivating movie that I can definatly watch over and over again for some time :)

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went to the Atlanta aquarium for the 3rd time.

Jer invited 2 guys he works with to come with. I was the only girl. nham's GPS wouldn't work but I had told Jer to bring ours just in case, and somehow without being plugged into the car, it was able to direct us to the aquarium from the pocket of Jer's hoodie.  My bro wore the shirt Jer and I gave to him for Christmas that says " I love Hentai." LoL there were a lot of Japanese at the aquarium giving him the eye ! Don't think he has walked as much as he did in that one day around the aquarium than he does in a year on the shore! Then we went to a fancy restaurant called Leagle Seafood. Jer kept on joking about the sea food restaurant being right next to the aquarium.......
One of the guys from Jer's office...nham..LOL a pudgy foodie named nam Nhom...ordered raw oysters and he had 2 left and said 2 me..are u sure u dont want one...i was waiting for me safe little crab cake...so down the hatch...

it didnt taste too bad with hot sauce and sour crout.. tasted better than cooked i think... but stomache says..that is not ment to go in! Stomache burned like I had swallowed vodka for the rest of the night I felt like throwing up...but I didn't. My Bestie Rachel says raw oysters are an aphrodesiac..There were waiters serving us bottled water wearing tuxes...my very first fancy restaurant and here we were.....Bro's shirt said I love hentai,nam's shirt said something about punching a wizard, Travis's shirt had one of those little aligators on it, Jer  had a gracie fight team hoodie on, and I also wore a hoodie, and it was wool so with the wind and the static electricity, my long hair must have been like..tentacles or something.
 so far my Christmas holiday has been a lot of fun.

My favorite gorcery store is Publix because in their meat deli they have an asian guy who makes all kinds of  fresh sushi daily! I cannot leave the store without buying some,I love sushi. The sushi guy  recognises us by now, and always smiles alot when Jer and I pick out  what sushi we want. I think he knows we appreciate his work!

Since my braces had broke in three different places, this set me back from getting a bite plate this month, but hopefully I will be ready for one come next appointment. They decided to take everything off and take more impressions. The first impressions did not come out the way my dental tech wanted them to, so she threw them away and took new ones. Then she decided that they were too small, so she threw that batch away, and made a larger one. I had a huge ball of wet clay resting on my gag reflex. The tech kept on telling me to relax my face and I thought  gee.. I'd love to relax but that's kind of hard to do when you are choking! So then of course, they had to put back on everything that was taken off.(and fix the broken parts.) When it came to putting the wires back on my teeth she took one look and said "Dios Mio!" and then confessed to me she did not know how to get the wire on one of my teeth. While she figured that out I thoght she was about to rip the cheek right off my face, she was tugging so hard on the side of my mouth! When I got home I ran and looked in the mirror, ( I always like do that when I have my braces adjusted, to see what is different.) and I saw that my tooth that the bracket had come off of was still..bracketless! I should be happy it's still not spinning around I guess.

The title means " My name in Japanese language is...." Today while practacing  nihon go (Japanese language) via Rosetta Stone, I learned that  'terebi' ( pronounced : te-ra-bee) is the japanese word for t.v.   I concluded that the Japanese 'bi' sound must be the equivelent of the english ' v ' sound.

Baised upon this theory, my full name in Japanese would be ' bira anita smitsu'

(pronounced: bee-rah  ah-nee-tah sm-e-tss-oo)

 Sometimes I ask myself...she isn't really dead is she? As if I am hoping the answer might change...I am always very stern with myself and confirm that she is in fact dead, and will be for the rest of my life.

Since I made the promise to Jer that I would not cry, I have not. The pain in my heart has subsided and I even laugh freely, but the nightmares of my deceased mother continue.

 A few nights ago I was sharply awakened by a loud clanking sound...gravity had finally brought the uneven pile of dirty dishes crashing to the bottom of the sink.( I always wash dishes in the morning after Jer goes to work.) When I had fallen back asleep,  I dreamed that My mother had come back from the dead and was rummaging through our counters.

 ( She was not like the "I want to eat your brains" sort of zombie, but she was deafinatly a walking corpse. In my dream I heard the crash and got out of bed to see what it was. My mom was rummaging through the cabenets looking for coffie. She turned to me and asked me where the coffie was and I told her that I didn't drink coffie and offered her some tea. Then my mother started pouting and muttered "what kind of people don't even have coffie?" Then something about us turning her over to the police station...she didnt seem to know she was dead. and we were trying not to alarm her..I don't remember this dream all the way but it ended with the incredible fact that not only was she indeed dead but we never showed her where we lived when we were alive.

This morning Jer and I recounted to each other the dreams we had last night as we showered together.  Again I dreamed of my dead mother, and this is what I confessed to him.

I dreamed she had one eye closed and the eyelid was red, and her mouth was open. She said to me  "Where is Danal, He's not in the apartment? ("Danal" was mom's baby-talk name for my brother,Daniel.) I told her that he was moving to a smaller apartment and told her his new apartment number and that he was going to spend Christmas with me, and that if she came back  on christmas she could see us together. Then she started crying and I hugged her and asked why. She told me that when it rained  a corner of her coffin leaked and ruined the vhs. tape that John had given her, (John is like a stepdad to me)that her clothes were wet and she was cold.

I wonder when I will stop dreaming of her?

Broken-Braces_small

I have an orthadontist apointment coming up on dec. 3rd and  for once I am looking forward to it.  The braces on my lower teeth have broken in 3 places. On the left side the wire has come off the little brackets on 2 teeth that are next to each other, and on the right side, one of the brackets has actually come off of my tooth yet some how remains on the wire. (Yes, this little metal square that gets cemented in place when you first get your braces put on has come off!  What can I say..I am one of those people who grind their teeth under stress.) It is not painfull but it is very annoying because  every time I close my mouth the unattached bracket spins around! 

Why didn't I make an emergency appointment?

  I tried to make one on Halloween actually, the day after my braces broke, and was told by a dental tech. that  I couldn't be seen because it would take too long and therefore wouldn't qualify as an "Emergency Visit," and then proceeded to clarify for me that "Emergency Visit" was defined as a clipping of the wire that takes all of two seconds. . I know Halloween is a holiday and everywhere closes early but what about the day after? the week after? But it was politely "suggested" that I wait untill my next appointment. Perhaps I was spoiled by my orthadontists that I had in Las Cruces, but I was always cautioned to come in as soon as possible when anything goes wrong with your braces .... anyway, I can't wait for the dentist  to ask why I waited!

I opened the door and threw my arms around my husband last night, the usual coming home greeting.

 " I like what you are wearing." My husband eyes my clothes appreciatively. ( one of the things that I like about my husband is that he notices what I wear.)

" Of all of the nice clothes I wear you notice a hoodie-T with a tank top over top of it, and a pair of cargo pants? I look like a plumber!" I joked

"Speaking of plumbers, guess what I boght today!" he replied, pulling out the new  super mario bro's

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game for wii, where you can have 2 people playing together at once.

We have only played for a few minutes ('cause it was late when he got home) but so far I love it!

Ovcorse, I picked the little yellow toadstool as my charicter!  Will post more on the subject after Jer and I have played it a little longer.

The other day my husband received a card in the mail from his mother, who is in Iran. I also received cards....2  very late sympathy cards from the hospice nurses who helped care for my mother before she died. pretty much they said  "she was nice, sorry she's dead."

why did they have to arrive at the same time???!!!!

Everyone keeps telling me that I have to let it out. 

That night as I once again laid in bed trying to fall asleep but unable to, I was finally able to cry.. not 'crying' as in " a few tears trickled down my cheeks before I wiped my eyes,"  I mean crying..  and my husband rolled over hugged me and in a very annoyed voice said to me "will you PLEASE stop crying!"

"Namida wo nomu"....this is Japanese for suppress tears.

Because I love.... I cannot cry.

I still have my little brother to set an example for. He is coming to visit me for the Christmas holiday, and I will show him Atlanta, and be a good hostess............and............. when we  go to Jer's aunt's house for Thanksgiving, and I am surrounded by strangers who are also my family,even though my mother will never get to taste my pumpkin pie.....I will cook for them.